I always knew that I wanted to be a mom, but I honestly don’t think I knew just how challenging it would be. Let’s start with a disclaimer: I have two little boys, who really are the lights of my life; I love them more than I ever thought I could love anything and would die for them. However, let’s face it, being a parent is hard. I think often times we feel like we aren’t allowed to complain, we aren’t allowed to say that, as much as we love our kiddos, we don’t always LOVE being a parent. We chose to have kids and so now we must enjoy every, single, piece of it. For me, this just isn’t the truth.
Our youngest just turned 10 months and our oldest is almost 3 and the transition from one baby to two has really been the most difficult thing we have faced thus far. One of my fellow blog contributors really nailed this topic in a recent post.
Call it hippy dippy if you want, but I am a firm believer that the universe, or whatever higher power you believe in, likes to remind you how lucky you are. After a particularly stressful few weeks, I was cleaning out my closet—my nap time activity for the day—and found an old notebook in a forgotten Longchamp tote. It was a journal I started keeping when we were trying to get pregnant with our first baby. We had been trying for a few months and were not pregnant yet. I was so heart broken. I wanted our baby so badly. I wanted so badly to have him not only for me, but for my husband and for my family. I was at an all-time low and felt like my body was failing me. I think I knew it would happen eventually, but it brought be back to that time in my life, a time of disappointment and uncertainty. I didn’t know then, that after some fertility help, I would be pregnant in less than 6 months. The words I wrote in my journal then were just what I needed to hear on the day when I was cleaning out my closet.
…I am sitting in a crowded coffee shop, as I look around at all the different types of people I can’t help but think who they are and what brought them here? If they knew I was writing to my unborn baby, would they think I am totally nuts? Probably. I just want you to know how much I wanted you even before you were here, before I could see your little face, you have my whole heart…”
After a week of one kiddo throwing all the tantrums and the other being stuck to my hip, I was reminded how much I needed and wanted these boys. Now I look at my little son and his baby brother. They seem to be getting notably bigger every day, while becoming more and more like little men and less like little babies. My words from that journal entry made me feel so lucky to have these two and reminded me to slow down and appreciate all things with them…good and bad.
We all go through challenges, especially as parents, and have days (weeks) that make us feel defeated. Look for the signs friends. The challenging days will pass and the universe has ways of keeping us in check. Hugs your babies a little tighter at the end of the hard days and remember how much you love them. Maybe try writing in a journal; you never know when you will need those words in the future. Raising little humans is no joke and don’t hesitate to remind yourself that you are rocking it!
