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No One Told Me Motherhood Was Going To Be Lonely

Having a baby comes with many emotions, physical pain, and exhaustion.  It can also mean that you get lonely, and that is something I became very familiar with.  

Working full time and then instantly being thrown into being a stay at home mom was quite a shock. I knew how to navigate through my days when I worked. I knew what to expect.  I had normal conversations with adults.  I used my brain.  I showered, got dressed and did my hair at the same time everyday. Then, one day, everything changed and I didn’t do any of those things that were my “normal.”  I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t really know what I was doing, so I started second guessing myself ALL THE TIME. Tack on exhaustion and this whole business of motherhood became completely daunting.  Alone with this newfound unsettled reality, and realizing I was lonely, I also dealt with a small yearning for life as it used to be.

I longed for the freedom, for the sleep, for the calm quietness of being in control of my daily routine, and for my friendships.

Lonely

When I first became a mom, most of my regular hangouts were with non parents and even my closest girlfriends didn’t have kids. My friends kept living their normal everyday life, but I didn’t. I had a new everyday life and that was hard for me to grasp sometimes. It was hard seeing my friends on social media going out without me (and many times not even receiving an invite). Of course I just had a baby and they were respecting my space and thinking/knowing I wouldn’t be able to go.  But, it made me feel lonely.  It wasn’t their fault; their lives didn’t change. It was sort of like grieving when you lose someone you love; your life changes, your outlook changes and your priorities may change. But alas, life goes on around you without anyone asking for your permission.

I realized that one day I’d have a new routine, and a new “normal.”  I realized that one day, I’d feel like I would know what I was doing (or would stop caring so much about needing to feel this way.) Motherhood is amazing. An amazingly hard but honorable job. One that brings endless kisses, endless frustrations, and endless moments of repeating yourself over and over again, but it also brings an endless amount of LOVE.

Being a mom is lonely sometimes.  Most moms don’t speak of it. But it’s true. It happens. There are days that you will feel completely alone, whether it’s because it was a hard day or because you’ve been cooped up in the house changing diapers and feeling like you might lose your sanity. You will feel lonely sometimes, AND IT’S OK. I wish someone would have told me this. I wish someone would have told me that they too get lonely sometimes.  Because the days that I feel particularly lonely, I find that I can feel more horrible when I think that I am the only one; the only one to feel like I have no friends; the only one to feel like no one wants to hang out with me because I have nothing left to give since I’ve been giving everything I have to be a mother. But it’s not true. You are amazing and you are worthy of friends. You have a great deal to offer.  Your friendships will change: some will go, some will stay, and some will be made new. And that’s OK.  So, to those of you who may be feeling lonely, please know, you’re not alone.

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3 Responses to No One Told Me Motherhood Was Going To Be Lonely

  1. Lindsey August 9, 2016 at 1:32 pm #

    Thank you so much for this. Motherhood can be so lonely and alienating. I’m not a stay at home mom and I can still totally relate. Oddly enough, it can also be very lonely even when you’re surrounded by coworkers all day because most of the time they cannot relate (at all) with what you’re going through as a new mom. They just expect you to come back and be the exact same person you were before. And that just isn’t possible but like you said, that’s OK! Thanks ❤️

  2. Christine August 9, 2016 at 6:31 pm #

    Ha!! I’m so on this boat with you ladies!! There are days when I see my friends I used to hangout with all the time, brunching and happy hours, post photos of their non-kid activities and I feel left out. It’s no ones fault this happens and I chose to stay home and don’t regret it. They tell me I’m the lucky one! But you’re right… It’s ok to feel like this. Thanks for the blog!

  3. carrie
    carrie August 10, 2016 at 9:54 pm #

    This is so spot on! Thank you! I too felt like I wished more people were honest with their feelings, and didn’t make everything out to be unicorns and butterflies. t remember feeling all the same emotions and now make a point to make sure I talk more about the “true” realities, the good and the bad, with any expecting and new moms. It is the greatest and hardest job on the planet.:)

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