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I Am Not Ready for It to Be Time to Go “Back to School”

It’s that time again, where school bells ring and parents sing. Or at least that is what I feel I’m supposed to be doing when I hand my kid off for her first year of kindergarten. If you browse Facebook, Instagram or any other social media site, I’d bet you’ll come across memes, posts, and pics of parents jumping for joy about sending their kids to school. I get it. But at the same time, I don’t. 

back to school

My daughter has been in 1/2 day preschool since she was 3. We have been blessed to be in a Montessori program that carries on through the 8th grade. But this year she will be going all day and my anxiety is riding a little higher than normal. I feel like I should be excited for having time to myself, jumping for joy, singing all the praises, but I’m surprising myself by not feeling that way. The only reason I haven’t ripped her out and homeschooled is because of the school she is in. I love the Montessori way of teaching and bringing everything full circle for the students. Her school is like a neighborhood; a community that binds together trying to continually make itself better. I like that. But if we weren’t in this school I don’t know if I’d be sending her to school at all.   

I’m anxious as to how she will deal with being away all day. She’s a homebody by nature and a feeler like her mama. How will she handle being home for roughly 3 hrs a day? You see, our kids go to bed by 7 pm, especially during the school year. So if I take that into consideration, we will get home at 4, eat at 5, get ready for bed at 6:30. Dad sometimes doesn’t get home until 6. I’m also struggling with how I will deal with her being gone? The house will be quiet and I will miss her. I feel strange writing that because I feel like we aren’t supposed to express that come summer’s end. Sure I get stressed, frustrated and yell, but now that this is really happening I’m struggling to see why I should let her go. 

The years have gone so fast and she’s now losing her “baby belly”. She’s becoming more lean, looking more like a kid and losing any last image of a toddler. And to think now for the next 13 years I will only have her for maybe 3 hrs a day, (especially once I calculate in part-time jobs and extracurriculars, especially in high school), the thought is driving me nuts. I feel like all my time to teach her the ins and outs of our family life, home life, morals and values are fleeting compared the time she will be away from me. I don’t like that. 

So for this year, we’ll cope. We’ll both be experiencing something new and hopefully falling into a comfortable routine to manage the possible uncomfortable feelings I may have. I’ll manage my time better so come pickup I can focus on her and nothing else. This year is our test year to see how this full day thing goes. 

 

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One Response to I Am Not Ready for It to Be Time to Go “Back to School”

  1. Felicia
    Felicia August 7, 2017 at 1:37 pm #

    This literally brought tears to my eyes. My little one isn’t going to school yet, but just told as I was working (in an elementary school), I got super choked up thinking about her being a little kindergartener in the lunch line in just a couple years. It’s exactly like you said… the amount of time we’ll actually get as a family outside of the school day just doesn’t feel like nearly enough!

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