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Friends of the Opposite Sex When You’re Married?

Where is the line with friends of the opposite sex when you’re married? This topic has come up recently with some of my friends. I’ve posed this question to a number of people and received a variety of different answers. Some think that solo meals out are a big no, while others think it’s fine to stay for multiple nights with a single friend of the opposite sex, going out drinking each night.

Friends opposite sex

My husband and I are happy together, and we both have people we would call friends who are of the opposite sex. First and foremost, we are each other’s best friend. We honestly don’t do a whole lot with friends of the opposite sex without being together. It isn’t a conscious choice, but it’s just the way it worked out. We do things with other couple friends, or with some of my girlfriends, but never really solo without the other being there. We had never really discussed this boundary; things just unfolded this way in our lives.

I combed back in my mind trying to find a time since being with my (now) husband of when I was out with a male friend solo, and I can’t find one! I’ve had meetings, lunches, coffee meetings with male co-workers, but I don’t consider that to be the same thing.

As women, we are experiencing a time in the world when we feel empowered, so what’s the big deal about having male friends, or your husband having a female friend that they do things with?

This is more a question to you all…what do you think of friendships with the opposite sex and where do you drawn your lines in the sand? I’m not looking for judgement on what others do, but am honestly curious to know what are your boundaries? And, did these boundaries come into place via a discussion or were they just natural boundaries that evolved? 

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2 Responses to Friends of the Opposite Sex When You’re Married?

  1. Amber June 5, 2018 at 12:47 pm #

    Here is what I do when it comes to this subject: I told my husband before we were even married that I would never be alone with someone of the opposite sex. Not a friend, not a colleague, not a pastor. Not a short car ride, a business trip, a single lunch or coffee break. It’s not worth it to even put myself in a position to make room for any temptation (whether my own or that of the man I’m with). Think about it, you could be all “nah son” on the man but if he wants to put a move on you, it’s a bad situation and your word against his, etc. I don’t need that in my life. Sure, I can (and totally do) love my husband- he is everything to me. And that’s why I enforce this rule on myself, because I committed my whole self to him. Does it mean turning down great jobs and other opportunities? It for sure has, but nothing is worth more than my husband’s trust and our relationship. I want to honor him so that he can rest assured that I am his and his alone.
    Did my husband also take this special “vow”? Not out loud but I think because he knows how serious I am by doing it, he has reciprocated.

  2. anonymous June 15, 2018 at 2:59 pm #

    Marriages have progressed so much that women don’t have to marry for status or wealth. That leaves marriage to be the most important relationship in our lives. Our partner is really our best friend and we choose to be together. I trust my husband, but I don’t trust other people. We don’t have friends of the opposite sex. My husband has said he is attractive and doesn’t want to disappoint another woman if she becomes attached. Cocky, but well said. My husband and I come from families where the Dad cheated. His parents ended up divorcing and mine stayed together. Now as a mother I still struggle thinking about my Dad living a double life for so long. I know my father’s affair started as a friendship. One day my mom asked him who his best friends where and he mentioned two women. She was not happy as you can imagine. It’s worth a conversation with your partner. I think the most important thing is being on the same page.

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