Dear Potential Mom Friend,
I’m the mom over in the corner, not quite sure who to talk to. I don’t know how to be a mom friend. I miss my two mom friends who moved back home to be closer to their families. I get why they moved, but I still miss them.
I’m attempting to find new mom friends, because my non-mom friends, while amazing, just don’t get it. All my best poop stories or the adorable way my daughter picked her nose and gave it to me like a prize just aren’t appreciated in those friendships.
There are a few things I want to preemptively tell you, because I feel like I am a little weird. To be candid, I’m what most would label a crunchy mom, and I feel judged hardcore for it.
I’m the mom who is just now starting to wean her almost 2-year-old, even though most people seem to wean between 6 months – 1 year. The look of horror on your face is super fun for me, and leaves an awkward silence between us as we grapple with what else we have to talk about. Just so you know though, the World Health Organization recommends breast feeding until kids turn 2 years old. I’m not over here nursing a 5th grader, okay?
No, thanks, my daughter doesn’t eat pouches. I’ve never given her one, so I’m pretty sure she will just squish it, covering herself in puree, and I only have three wipes left in my bag. I’m not saying no because I think it’s bad to give them to kids; I’m sure they are awesome to keep kiddos happy and fed on the go. I did see a bad experience with them first hand, as I watched my friend who ran a daycare contend with a 3-year-old little one who was addicted to them. She wouldn’t eat anything else. I’ve always just shied away from them, plus I did baby-led weaning, which focuses on solids over purees. But, I don’t know how to explain this to you quickly before you think I’m an organic snot who looks down on you.
No, I’ve never tried Halo Top ice cream and not to be mean, I don’t really want to. I like full fat, full sugar ice cream, and honestly the only reason I’m here working out is to be able to eat real ice cream and not be 400 pounds. Have you tried Strauss Ice Cream? I just can’t live without it.
I didn’t go to the hospital to have my baby, I went to a birthing center. No, I didn’t have drugs. And it was 17 hours of labor. Here is where I get the disgusted “Why? Just why?” look. Yeah, it was the most painful moment of my life, but I did it, and no lies, I feel like a bad*** for doing it like that. I don’t think my way was better, but I love that it was available to me, just like I love that the way you gave birth was available to you. I mean, it’s really, really hard, right? So I’m glad we could each be in a place where we felt safe and supported.
Could you not post that pic you just took of my daughter on social media? (I actually had to ask this of the instructor of a fitness class who snapped a picture of my daughter last week.) We don’t put any pictures of her online. Yep, super weird in the age of the instant pic. I’m super private about a lot of aspects of my life and that’s how I grew up. My hubs and I feel that our daughter should be able to grow up without every inch of her life documented online. I mean, that’s how we grew up. Just because I’m not into putting my daughter on social media doesn’t mean that I’m against others sharing their kiddos with their loved ones that way. I’m happy it’s available and if that’s your choice. It’s not a judgement, I am just choosing a different path.
I think the bottom line is, we could be friends if we can both get rid of the snap judgements. I admit I can be incredibly guilty of this too. Every day and any mommy event I go to, I work to crush any judgements that pop in my head. I try to be open to other mamas and the way they do things. I love that we can all choose things that feel right to us. We all have parenting instincts and ways that we feel comfortable and safe to bring our kids into the world, and raise them. I need a tribe who gets what this whole mom thing is, because it is hard some days, and the greatest thing in the world every day. Plus it’s hard to explain that to non-moms, and not cry or sound insane while doing so, which is why I need other mama’s who get me.
Let’s each get our ice cream of choice, a little wine, let the kids play while we chat, because that’s what I need a little more of in my life right now.
I look forward to being your new mom friend!