I was recently dumped by a friend of five years. It was heartbreaking, and I honestly am still grieving a little. As my mind was processing this I also realized that I sounded and felt an awful lot as if I had just ended a romantic relationship.
The following are 5 things that I realized are strangely similar in these two situations (getting dumped by a friend and ending a romantic relationship.
- The dumpee feels shocked. I was blindsided. Now I know how the castaways on the television show Survivor feel.
- You start overthinking EVERYTHING about the final days. Questions like, “What could I have done better?” and, “What did I do wrong?” go through one’s head. I started with these questions but ultimately reviewed things and realized that I didn’t do anything wrong. The miscommunication or the view of the other party is what ultimately went wrong.
- You grieve the loss of your future. With my friend, I grieved not having that future with our kids hanging out, all the plans for future outings, and just watching our kids grow up together.
- You stalk. Yes….you stalk. Are they having fun without me around? Do they even care about me not being around? Did they ever care about me? Unfortunately, I stalked Instagram. I felt like a high schooler, but I couldn’t help it. This went on for a few weeks and it was painfully obvious that her life didn’t need me in it, and maybe, she hadn’t ever really let me in it at all. In the end, I unfollowed and hid her profile for my own sanity.
- You have to break the news to your family. The bonus part for me was breaking the news to my husband (immediately) who helped me see that it wasn’t me. I didn’t miss something that day that solidified it for the friend. I had someone just as confused as I was, when I told my husband. Unfortunately, due to everyone in both families being friends, this “breaking the news” piece was really hard. Having to tell my 5-year-old she won’t see her friends again while she ugly cried in my lap saying, “but I just love them so much” is one of the worst things I’ve had to do, to date, as a parent.
All in all, we think we’re out of the “dating” scene just because we’re married, but in reality, all relationships are a form of dating. So for those of you out there who are dealing with being dumped … either romantically or by friendship, you’re not alone. Sometimes we need to just let go.